Lottery Confessions

I said in my last blog entry Lottery Lies that I would much prefer lottery winners to be a tad more honest when they speak with journalists after their win. I'm not saying that winners are deliberately dishonest, of course, but I do think that most of us "normal" human beings tend to say whatever we imagine sounds good when confronted by journalists and other members of the press.

I call this the "Miss World Syndrome" because if you listen to contenders for that particular title selling themselves to the audience, they do so by saying things that the audience want to hear. For example, "I enjoy art, culture and would like to have dinner with Nelson Mandela to discuss how I can help bring about world peace."

We all know that this is usually nonsense, and that if she were really honest she would say, "I enjoy fish and chips, clubbing around my handbag and trying to catch a footballer for a husband." Or am I just being my normal cynical self here?

Whatever your view, I think that lottery winners should try their best to avoid giving into the Miss World Syndrome and instead just say what they mean. Here are some of my own interpretations of the kind of comments winners make - don't you think my more honest "lottery confessions" are a bit more endearing?

It took a while for the news to sink in...
My translation: "Me and the missus spent the first evening running around the house shouting 'We've won! We've won! We've gone and frikkin' won! Yesh! Yesh! Yesh! Kappow!' for several hours before collapsing in a drunken heap."

I will give money to my friends and loved ones...
My translation: "Look mate, I already have half a dozen people who have suddenly started being extra nice to me since they found out I won, so I've got no choice but to toss them a bone just to keep them off my back."

I am so grateful to god for this win...
My translation: "I haven't been to church in years and I'm a committed atheist, but if I say thank you to a non-specific deity in public then I've got my bases covered just in case. Result! Just don't come asking for a tithe..."

Well, you get the idea. Personally, I think that honest comments like these would really brighten things up for those of us who spend more time than is healthy reading about lottery wins. It'll never happen, of course, but I'm trying to set a good example here by telling all of you what I really think, and not simply what I think you want to hear.

Article Last Updated: 20/03/2007 13:21:15

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